I found out something about myself the other day. I found out that I am a LIAR. Not the I-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings-so-I-tell-a-white-lie kind (though I am SO that kind too), but the kind that actually tells a LIE and BELIEVES it.
The other day I wrote about my 6th grader’s first day of school. And I was SO proud of myself, as I wrote, that I HAD GOTTEN UP AND MADE her breakfast on her first day of school. Like I was sincerely PROUD of it.
Here is the problem. I. Didn’t. Make. Her. Breakfast.
My husband kindly pointed this out for me. The conversation looked like this,
“I read your post today” says sweet husband who is always SCARED to read my posts.
“Oh cool” I say as I am scanning a magazine (I think…oh hell maybe that is a lie too…it could have been homework…or my phone..whatever).
“You lied” he states flatly.
Enter deer in headlights look. Me that is. And my heart races. Literally races like a damn teenage kid busted with smuggled alcohol as I try to remember what the hell the post was even about. Did I dream post? You know…. I have had nightmares of me writing certain things, that should never be written about, and it getting blasted all over the universe.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Asks defensive wife.
“I cooked her breakfast” he calmly responds.
‘What in sam hill is he talking about?’ is my first thought followed closely with, ‘well at least I didn’t write about some dream fantasy with Matthew McConaughey’ that would never… be posted…on…the…internet. Well…at least not with details.
“You wrote that you cooked breakfast on her first day of school and you didn’t, I did…” he again states, like I didn’t HEAR the words the first time.
“Ya mom, you cooked me breakfast on the SECOND day” says my ever supportive daughter.
So then I thought. Hard. And realized that I DIDN’T COOK MY DAUGHTER BREAKFAST ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL LIKE I SAID. LIKE I THOUGHT. I just SLEPT the whole damn time.
I did cook her breakfast on the second day. That is good.
I typed up that post only a couple of days after the first day of school and I actually, truthfully (liars always use the word truthfully….or the ‘to be honest’ phrase) thought I had cooked her breakfast on the FIRST day of school.
My poor hubs.
MY HUSBAND COOKED OUR DAUGHTER BREAKFAST ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL WHILE I SLEPT.
Now I am just a liar who tells the truth after they are ousted. Much classier.