Yesterday I cried like a baby. Cause I saw a poor young man on the side of the road, clearly stressed out about a small car accident. And I immediately felt his stress. Like I felt his angst and anxiety. I read all kinds of scenarios, “I lost my job and now this”, “I don’t have insurance”, “How do I tell my (insert mother, wife, whatever)”, “This isn’t even my car”….and on and on. And for some reason, I felt the need to carry his angst. For a long time.
Until an ambulance went by. Then I carried that angst, sadness and anxiety. “The poor family”, “Oh it could be a child”, “The poor grandma that fell down”, ….and on and on. And I carried that with me for a fun ride of time.
Until my friend told me how much pain she was still in from a recent surgery. So of course I felt the need to carry that for a while (you can have that shit back by the way).
What in the sam hill?
My kids are scared. More than usual. Like they are hiding from me.
Cause I am giving lots of hugs, holding tight, crying out how much I love them and how lovely they are.
Clearly that is NOT me.
My husband is probably leery, though smart enough to not say anything. He is so used to my roller coaster momentum of life, he truly wouldn’t be surprised if one day I woke up and told him I wanted to join a monastery. Then changed my mind and said I wouldn’t mind joining militia forces to help control terrorist attempts. He would respond like he always does, ‘no problem honey, if it makes you happy’, knowing damn well within hours I would have talked myself out of whatever I said I was gonna do. This is the person I have developed into. Some nutjob self-proclaimed missionary/wannabe athlete/philanthropist/whatevercrossesmymindatthemoment person.
Right now, I am a kinda crazed NICE and CARING person.
This crap has gotta stop. It is confusing me.
I am gonna have to call my hormone doctor. See what kind of crap she put in my last implant. I didn’t sign up for this. Neither did my poor family.
They are wondering when crazed psycho mom is coming back. See children need stability, and consistency.
I always knew it was good for them. That I am consistent.
Maybe if I drink more wine it will balance it all out. Worth a shot.