I have been traveling quite a bit recently, and that always poses a couple of problems for me.
One- I am terrified of flying. Absolutely horrified. As a matter of fact, I am on the plane this very moment using the nifty online internet service (holy cow!), looking out at the puffy white clouds thinking, WTF?! We should NOT be up here. This is NOT normal.
Yet we are. Yet I am. And TYPING no less. Oh, and drinking. A glass of chardonnay. Because you see I am trying to overcome my demons. Does that not make sense? Let me help; I stopped taking medication to fly almost a year ago because I want to overcome this absurd fear of flying. Now I drink. Did I swap one crutch for another? SO WHAT. At least this crutch doesn’t have terrible side affects. It is waaaaaay better than me going absolutely apeshit crazy on this plane and being arrested. Mostly. Look, let’s move on.
The second reason why traveling poses a problem for me is because I have some food allergies that make it difficult to eat out of the house. Though more and more restaurants are accommodating food allergy issues, I find I still get sick quite often. I blame NO one for this, it just happens and I know that not EVERY food allergy can fully be accommodated mainstream. I am cool with this.
I am even cool with bringing my own food. As a matter of fact I would prefer it.
Let me give you an example.
My best friend and I went to a bar-b-que Saturday while I was traveling. She has the exact same food issues I do, so when we arrived (we ate before we went people) we planned on having water and just enjoying the outing. Like all good hosts, we were offered food. We politely declined.
“You have GOT to try this whatchamacall it” (it is a whatchamacall it because I can’t remember what the hell he said it was and it looked like yellow and brown goop). My friend, so sweetly said, “Thanks but I have this food allergy….”…before she could finish I saw the look. See, I am used to it, as I have been living like this for a few years, but she is fairly new on her path so I shifted my weight to lean slightly on her and just said, “We ate earlier, but thank you”. Of course one party goer was not to be deterred, “ya, but you have got to try it”. My friend, “it is just not worth the pain….”, the utter
ass nice-person-who-just-doesn’t-understand, “uh…ya it is….it is seriously delicious, you are just missing out”.
We are missing out alright. On running, crazily, to the bathroom with a gut so twisted in pain we can’t walk upright and to barely make it to the toilet before our ass explodes in what can only be described as a sewer explosion of massive proportions. Ya, we are so sad about that.
This party goer, along with the host, turn to look at each other with the look. This look says, ‘ what is the big deal? you aren’t gonna die if you eat this’.
Nope, you are right. We won’t actually die. Though our insides will feel like it, to the point that we sometimes, while laying in the fetal position sucking our thumbs, wish we would die. Not to mention, there are long-term issues with celiac disease, however, no, we won’t die that moment.
You just may if you keep looking at me that way. Cause I may grab this freaking spoon and stick it straight in your eye.
I am just sayin’.
Good thing chardonnay is on my approved list of foods to consume. I do think I just may have another one and the guy next to me is grateful there are no spoons on board.
PS- well crap. This damn plane is BOUNCING in the sky. This. Is. Not. Normal.