Being a mother of a teenage boy was pretty hard. And now with him as a young adult, it kinda makes me scream silently in my head still too.
But being a mother of pre-teen and soon to be teen girls? Oh hell shoot me now please. And don’t miss.
I am not cut out for the drama. I am just NOT. I do not give good advice in general, let alone when it comes to female drama.
My 6th grader is experiencing some major girl problems and when she tells me about them I seriously have a knee jerk reaction to it… “Just knock the b*&$ out!”. Yes. This is my knee jerk reaction. And if I am completely honest, I DID tell her to just knock the crap outta this one girl in particular.
“But mom, I will get in trouble at school”, my daughter says wide-eyed to me
“That is ok. I will come pick you up and we will have ice cream together”.
Listen, judge me on this-I could care less. I came from a background where my mother put me in her car in 6th or 7th grade, drove me to a girls house that was having issue with me, and made us fight it out on the front lawn while both mothers watched-to make sure no shenanigans were done (you know..like no razor blades weaved in my hair…just sayin’). That was just how I grew up.
HOWEVER…I do not do these things with my own children (yet) but sometimes..when I hear the ugliness…I just wanna jump in my car and drive to someones house. Yes, yes I do. Sometimes..someone just needs a good ass beatin.
The sad truth is this still bleeds into adulthood. At the same time as my 11-year-old is having girl drama at school, there was girl drama at my CrossFit box. With adult women. And my best friend was also having similar girl drama at her CrossFit box (it is not just CrossFit BTW- this stuff happens anywhere there is a community of PEOPLE). Good grief.
If I thought that drama with pre teen girls sucked…it SUPER sucks with adult women. PLEASE count me out. I just do not want to participate in it. Yet it is SO hard to not get sucked up into it. And sadly…I have fallen into the category of a gossip or mean spirit myself and will probably still make mistakes in this regard. I don’t know why we do it, human nature? So not an excuse.
I have though, for several years now, done my very best to ATTEMPT to follow a few general rules I have given myself. As much as my advice sucks….here are…in my humble opinion…some things that MIGHT work. I say MIGHT because sometimes people are just assholes.
- Don’t participate. Sounds easy enough right? It is not. Whether it is my child’s friends circled up talking ugly about someone else, or girls at your CrossFit box, or around the water cooler at work- walk away. You don’t have to be a snoot about it…just find a reason (there usually is one..like get your ass to work, or start warming up, or go see a teacher). Walk. Away.
- Do not say something you wouldn’t say directly. How many times have you heard this one? If you can’t say it directly to that person, don’t say it to someone else. Simple really. A sad reality is sometimes it can be fun or funny to talk some smack (GASP!). I have ONE good friend that we can talk so much smack and I know that it is just that- smack that isn’t intended for harm. Is it still a good idea? Probably not. But for her and I, it has worked for over 20 years so she is the girl I go to if I wanna vent or let off some steam. Maybe your spouse is one. Or pray. Or just shut your trap, period.
- Can you see a rainbow? Listen. This is by far the hardest one. But, if you are the one that is dying to point out someone else’s fault (it happens), try…like hell, to put yourself in that persons shoes. Try..like hell.. to find something positive about that person to focus on instead. Try. Otherwise, see the next point-
- What is in YOUR closet? If you feel you are perfect- free of sin, ugliness, etc- then feel free to talk about someone else. The truth is you are NOT and so don’t talk about someone else’s laundry unless you want yours aired too.
- Your turn is next. Pick your friends wisely. If you are ‘friends’ with someone, and that someone is talking ugly about others that seem to be their ‘friend’ too, chances are she is talking about YOU when she is with them. This person is cancerous and probably shouldn’t be in your circle of ‘friends’. Knock her down to acquaintance and see the first point above.
- Wait before you hit 3rd base. A lot of times us women (and girls) meet someone we instantly feel we have a connection to and we want to tell them our whole life story (even about that time you did that horrible thing…). Not a good idea. Relationships take time to cultivate, and so does trust. Like, a lot of time. Don’t rush into friendship, and don’t rush into sharing all your STUFF.
The list is not all-inclusive, however, and I am sure you have things that work for you. If all else fails though, just KNOCK THE B*&$@ OUT. Seriously.