T’was two weeks before Christmas….

Christmas Chaos“I have an idea” the wife says a little hesitantly.  As if she is not really quite sure it is a good idea.

“Oh ya, what?” the husband absently asks as he flips through some paperwork.

“Let’s take the kids to go see the Christmas lights in the square!” the wife forces out as if she is trying to convince herself that it is a good idea to take three kids, two being a bit sick, out..at 8pm at night…. to go look at lights.

“Seriously?” the husband is now staring somewhat frantically at the wife hoping that she will read the panic in his eyes.

“Yes, yes, we said we were going to try to do something ‘Christmasy’ every day and the girls need to get out from being iced in and sick.”  the wife has now fully committed herself of her grand idea.

“Whatever you want” mumbles the husband.  “Ok kids, let’s go see lights!” he shouts with forced enthusiasm.

“I don’t wanna go” whines the 11-year-old.  “I have tons of homework”.

Cry.  Whine.  Cry. Says the two-year old.

Cry. Whine. Cry. Says the three-year old.  Because the two-year old did.

“You sure you wanna do this?  Let’s just put them to bed.” whispers the husband.

“No.  This will be great.” the wife adamantly states.

“Oooook” the husband says as he wrangles kids into the car.

“Its freezing.” says the 11-year-old.

“It’s too cold.” says the three-year old.  Cause the 11-year-old did.

“Wellll….let’s get in the car quickly so we won’t be so cold, shall we?” the wife sweetly, and not at all sarcastically, states.

“Water!” yells the two-year old.

Water?  Hummm, nope.  No water in the car.  No diaper bag at all for that matter was brought.

“Sorry baby.  Mommy will get you some water when we get back home.  We are almost to the light show!” the wife says in a ridiculous squeally voice hoping to distract the two-year old.

Doesn’t work.

“Waaaaaattttteerrrrrrr!!!” screams the two-year old.

“I want WATER!” yells the three-year old.  Cause the two-year old did.

“Mom.  Can you turn on the light back here?  I need to do my homework.” the 11-year-old says in her most grumpiest voice.  Ever.

“Waaaaaaatttteerrrrrr!!!!!!!” the two-year old shouts as loud as her small f*&%ing lungs will allow her to.

“The light mom?  I.  Need.  To.  Do.  My.  Homework.”

“How about we listen to some Christmas music?” the wife says.

Radio on.

Christmas music channel found.

Volume turned up.


Wife turns to husband and smiles.

Husband looks at wife in fear.  Waiting for head-spinning-fist-to-dashboard-cursing-explosion. (not that, that has ever happened…)

Lot’s of yelling, screaming and pouting in the back of the vehicle.

Loud, wonderful Christmas music all around.

Tears.  Screams. Pouting.

Wonderful Christmas music.

“Look its the light show!” the husband shouts loudly and switches the station to the one tuned into the light show.

Wife rolls down the windows for full effect (really..it is a total surprise that the frigid air takes the kids breath away…momentarily stifling them).

Beautiful twinkling lights.  45 seconds of admiration from the two and three-year olds.

“Mom!  I am FREEZING back here!” the 11-year-old whines as pathetically as she can.

Wife rolls windows up a bit.

“NOOOOOOO!!!!!! ROLL IT DOWN!!!!!” screams the three-year old.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!! DOWNNNNNN!!!!!!” screams the two-year old.  Cause the three-year old did.

Tears.  Crying.  Screaming. Pouting.

“F$%k it” says the wife. “Let’s go home.”

Channel changed back to the lovely Christmas station.

Volume goes up.


Husband looks at wife as he turns the vehicle back toward the home.

“Merry Christmas honey” he mouths.  Or maybe he actually said it.  Hard to tell.  Over the blow-out-the-speakers-volume of Christmas music in the car.

Yelling, screaming and pouting in the back of the vehicle.

Loud, wonderful Christmas music all around.

Tears.  Screams. Pouting.

Wonderful Christmas music.

Yes.  Merry F*&#ing Christmas.